just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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