Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
