Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
