i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
40s are totally the cure
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
