God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
