Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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