I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
