I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
