Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
