You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
