Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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