So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
