he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
