My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My life is pants optional.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
