She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
