Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
