And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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