I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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