Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
