I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
