Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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