Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
