I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
