she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
