Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
