my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize