Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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