i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
