Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
