in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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