Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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