so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
