Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
