You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
