I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
