I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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