I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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