i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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