she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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