We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
