You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
