Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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