He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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