i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
