It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
