i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize