I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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