So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
