I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
