thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So squirting runs in the family.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
