i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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