I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
