Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
