walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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