My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
