i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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