I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
