When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
