dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
