I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
