happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
