I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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