when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
