Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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