I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
