It's Friday. Sex?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
