I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
