Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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