I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
