He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
