Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
