from now on my penis is your penis
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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