coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
