Me. At least after what I've been through.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
