I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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