I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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