so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
