what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
