You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
