I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
