so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
