Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
