I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
