so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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