i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize