I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
