My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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