How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize