he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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