Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
