How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
