so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
