Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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