my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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