Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
