So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
