when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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