I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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