The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
