just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
