Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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