At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I intend to get homeless drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
