meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
