It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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