I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize