so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
