chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize