I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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